Dr. MURRAY BOWN MEETS Mr. TSABALALA …
Rev. Dr. Michael J Nel
May 2022
Editor’s Notes
If Dr. Murray Bowen had travelled to Africa he would have found a people, unlike Americans, who do not suffer from “theoretical blindness.” (p.355) What Murray Bowen’s studies revealed, and what was always there, the African people lived and experienced in their daily relationships. Systems thinking has been part of their lives for centuries and they have developed processes for managing and utilizing these emotional processes. Traditional African thinking about relationships has always been understood in the context of the bigger relationships system. Western thinking has been shaped by cause and effect thinking. This may work well in some of the sciences but fails to adequately address relationships. However, as Dr. Bowen describes:
Science has enabled man to get beyond cause-and effect thinking in many areas of life. He was first able to use systems in astronomy, far removed from him personally. Later he was able to think "systems" about the physical sciences, and later in the natural sciences. In the past decades he has had some notion that systems thinking also applies to himself and his own emotional functioning, but in an emotional field, even the most disciplined systems thinker reverts to cause-and effect thinking and to taking action based more on emotional reactiveness than objective thinking. (p.272-273)
Dr. Murray Bowen would have been warmly welcomed into their homes since hospitality is an important virtue and value for black Africans. But this welcome would not hide their frustration with the fact this may be another American cultural imperialist who has come, not to listen to what they had to offer, but to tell them that their thoughts and cultural knowledge, were of no consequence, in fact their traditional understanding of relationships was all wrong. They had experienced the arrogance of the colonial powers and then Europeans and more recently numerous American social scientists and others who had treat them as if they had little or no intellectual capacity. Dr. Bowen should be able to address this concern quite straightforwardly.
It is the second concern of the black Africans that is far more serious. When Dr. Murray Bowen mentions the importance of evolution in the development of his theory he will set off alarm bells and will probably elicit an immediate reaction. How this concern is addressed will be crucial for any further dialogue.
The black African population had experienced the cruelty of slavery. However, it was social Darwinism that gave a so called “scientific” basis for racism. Charles Darwin referred to black Africans as “savages.” However, it was the question that he posed that had serious repercussions. Darwin’s question asked whether black Africans were as evolved as whites Europeans. This led to two destructive pathways that had a serious and disastrous impact on many people’s lives. The first was the development of the eugenics movement. This movement had a major influence not just on society in general but on the Christian Church as well. Social Darwinism provided the rationale for the sterilization of the so called “feeble minded.” There genetic makeup was perceived as being deleterious to society so that had to be prevented from propagating. It was the second thrust of Social Darwinism that has had a continuing, tragic and harmful effect on black Africans throughout the world.
The question whether black Africans were not as evolved as whites provided the basis for systemic racism. In many places they were still not thought of as fully human but more closely related to primates. Black soccer players have had to endure the indignity of having bananas thrown onto the field. How Dr. Bowen responds to this concern will be of great importance.
Dr. Murray Bowen will be meeting Mr. Tsabalala, a Zulu educationalist, who will guide him into Zulu understanding of relationships.
Dr. Murray Bowen meets Mr. Tsabalala
Arriving at the home of Mr. Tsabalala Dr. Murray Bowen is greeted at the door with
Tsabalala: Sawubona. Come in and please be seated.
Bowen: Hi.
Tsabalala: Greeting one another is an important part of the relationship system. One looks the other in the eye when greeting them with Sawubone which means “I see you. It is the recognition of the humanity of the other. It is rooted in the fundamental philosophy of “ubuntu,” a concept I will address shortly. We don’t understand the seemingly indifference in the casual “Hi.” The casual “Hi” can be said without even looking up at the other as one hurries along. The passing “Hi” fits in with your American culture. You appear to be constantly in a great rush as you rush from one place to another. As you rush you fail to see who is around you and acknowledge their presence.
Bowen: I hear you.
Tsabalala: Before we get into African thought I must welcome you home. (Chuckles) You have come home to you African mother, African Eve.[1] We all share a common mother.
Bowen: Interesting
Tsabalala: Before we get too deeply into African understanding of relationships there is one issue I want to address.
Bowen: Go ahead.
Tsabalala: Your Western way of thinking about the self and relationships through individual theory has been imposed on us in Africa. Your experts come and tell us that the way we think is all wrong and that they have come to enlighten us. They make all types of claims with authority which they claim is based on research. The problem is that what they tell us does not relate at all to our understanding of reality. Unfortunately we have no way of challenging these experts other than with our own witness. I have read about your theory and it appears to be different from the theories that we have been taught. Ihope that we can find a way to relate your theory to our lived experience.
Bowen: I hope so.
Tsabalala: In the Western world you have elevated Rene Descartes’ claim “I think therefore I am” into a truism. Descarte had come to the conclusion that this saying best described his personal pursuit for self. For us black Africans when we hear what he said, we feel so sorry for him. Imagine that you very existence is entirely dependent on yourself. Eisch! What a lonely and empty life. That man needed his family and friends. This reminds me of another saying, a theological saying, that describes the condition of the self as incurvatus in se. Humankind is described by this saying as being turned in, or curved in, upon him or herself.
Since I have the floor I want to address another difficulty that we have with Western thinking. Much of your thinking is so spatial. You speak of wanting personal space. When you talk about love you talk about falling in love or out of love. You want fences around you property and each person has to have his or her own room and ensuite. We do not think in those special terms but in relational terms.
More importantly for our discussion is the problem we have with the social sciences which are rooted in individual theory. Individual theory is taught in our universities since the professors are Western trained.[2]
Bowen: I can appreciate your frustration with individual theory. My professional life started out based in individual theory. Let me tell you about the shift in my thinking. My shift from "individual" to "family" began fifteen years ago[3] while doing individual psychotherapy with schizophrenic patients and with various members of their families. In this situation it is impossible to ignore the relationship system between family members. (p.104) The first year the theoretical orientation was based on individual theory; each patient and each mother had individual psychotherapy, and the research was directed at defining the interlocking of individual pathologies. The change was based on the newly observed characteristics of the mother-patient relationship. (p.120)
The change was not an easy one but an important one. There were critical practical and theoretical issues in the decision to change to a family orientation. Practical considerations favored individual theory and individual psychotherapy, both within "known" areas of theory and practice, but the observations suggested the family phenomenon was more complex than the interlocking of individual pathologies. Strict theoretical thinking favored a complete change to a family orientation but the initial "family" hypothesis was poorly developed and family psychotherapy seemed incomprehensible. Various combinations of individual and family orientation were considered but any combination plan contained drawbacks. For instance, experience suggested that any individual psychotherapy might obscure "family" observations. After much deliberation, and in spite of doubts that it could be successful, a decision was made to put the entire effort into family research observations, into extension of the family hypothesis, and into an attempt to develop a method of family psychotherapy and give it a fair trial "before returning to the individual orientation." (p.121, 122) The shift to the family orientation constituted a turning point that might not have been possible without the "total commitment" to the family. The family theoretical premise made it possible to "see" an exciting new dimension of clinical observations that had been obscured by individual theory. After a brief time it became evident that family psychotherapy had promising possibilities for the future. Some of the difficulties in the operation of a family orientation in an "individual" environment will be discussed later. (p.122)
The problem is that Individual theory did not have a conceptual model for a relationship system. (p.149) Theoretical blindness limits the ability of those trained in individual theory to see or hear family concepts. (p.151) On the premise there was far more to be seen if they could get beyond their theoretical blindness, I devised a plan to help us all open our eyes to new observations. (p.355)
Theoretical blindness was not limited to the research staff but Dr. Bowen admitted that he too had to overcome this limitation on his ability to observe what was always there. I believe the major factor was "theoretical blindness" which had prevented me from seeing what had been there all the time.(p.394)
Tsablala: Thank you for sharing your experience. It is interesting that it is not just Africa that has to deal with those who suffer from theoretical blindness. Perhaps we in Africa, along with you, will provide the antidote to that blindness.
If you are to understand black African thought I need to introduce you to the fundamental concept that shapes and informs all relationships. All the black African people south of the Sahara share a similar understanding even if it is expressed slightly differently by each ethnic community.. The Zulu expression is umuntu umuntu ngabantu. The concept can be translated as, “a person is a person in relation to other persons” or as “I am because you are”. According to umuntu, the self, unlike Descarte’s understanding, is always defined in terms of relationship to others especially to the family. There is no place for the philosophy of Individualism in African thought.
For the black African the family is of vital importance. It is the venue in which the self is defined. The self is defined in the context of the family relationships. Central to the understanding of the self is the concept of belonging.
Bowen: It appears that when you comment that belonging is important for the understanding of umuntu it would be helpful if you would clarify what you mean. According to Bowen theory there are the two forces, individuality and togetherness and it would seem that when you refer to the importance of belonging that you are talking about togetherness.
Tsabalala: Eish! You Americans can only think in terms of your own definitions of words. For you belonging means possession. So you talk of your belongings, you possessions. This fits in with a person’s claim that “it is mine, It belongs to me” With this understanding it is easy to see how you would think of belonging in family relationships as togetherness. But that is not the only meaning of belonging. Belonging also refers to being connected to others, especially to the family. This connectedness does not imply that the relationship is characterized by emotional fusion. Since I may be referring to belonging a number of times in our discussion, it is this meaning of being connected to which I will be referring. This does exclude the possibility that under certain circumstances some families may experience belonging as togetherness, as emotional fusion.
Bowen: Let me explain what is meant by togetherness/individuality forces in the theory.
A critical index of the functioning of an emotional system is the balance of the togetherness-individuality forces. The two forces exactly balance each other. In a period of calm, the two forces operate as a friendly team, largely out of sight. The togetherness forces are derived from the universal need for "love," approval, emotional closeness, and agreement. The individuality force is derived from the drive to be a productive, autonomous individual, as defined by self rather than the dictates of the group. Any emotional system has an amount of togetherness forces, and a reciprocal amount of individuality forces, which constitute a life style or "norm" for that group at the point in time. Optimum functioning would be somewhere near a fifty-fifty balance, with neither force overriding the other and the system sufficiently flexible to adapt to change. In an anxiety field, the group moves toward more togetherness to relieve the anxiety, and a new balance would be established at perhaps fifty-five or even sixty on the togetherness side, and a reciprocal forty-five or forty on the individuality side, which becomes the new "norm" for the group at that period. (p.279)
Tsabalala: Thank you for that explanation. Let me continue to explain how we in Africa understand relationships which may provide further insight into what we mean by belonging. As I mentioned earlier, umuntu shapes the African understanding of relationships which is reflected in the importance of kinship. For us kinship defines who is an integral part of the family: who belongs. It describes a broad, complex web of relationships. In the west your understanding of kinship is extremely limited and as a result you fail to appreciate African thought. This lack of appreciation and understanding of the African kinship has led to the thoughtless borrowing of African sayings.[4]
Let me start by describing the African view of family which is the basis of our understanding of kinship. For us the concept of family is broad and all inclusive. When we speak of family we include the nuclear, extended and the ancestors. When Africans speaks of belonging they refer to belonging not just to the nuclear family but to the whole family.
Bowen: Let me explain how we shifted in our research from and individual to an appreciation of the family as the unit of study. This shift was not an easy one not just for me but for the staff as well. We have all been trained to think of emotional problems in terms of the individual. The entire body of psychoanalytic and psychological theory is oriented to the individual. All our diagnostic and descriptive terms apply to the individual. (p.24)
There were three main steps in adapting the hypothesis to the clinical operation. Each step had its own unique resistances. The first was to think in terms of the family-unit rather than the individual. This step was incorporated into the hypothesis. Resistance to this was within the staff. It was difficult to give up "second nature" individual thinking. The second step was to relate to the family unit rather than to individuals. This step was incorporated into the research design. Resistance was both in the staff and in the families. In periods of high anxiety, the tendency to revert to the individual orientation was present both in the families and in the staff. The third step was to treat the family psychotherapeutically as a single organism. This step was incorporated into the research as "family psychotherapy." Obviously it was necessary to first think of the family as a unit and to be reasonably successful at relating to the family unit before it was possible to treat the family as a unit.(p.75)
You will notice that our research led us to a very different understanding of the family. The concept of the "family unit" or the "family as a single organism" is crucial to our way of thinking about schizophrenia. (p.49) With the change to the family-unit hypothesis, the focus was on the "family oneness" rather than on individuals. (p72) The change in thinking from individual theory to understanding the family as a unit led to a different type of therapy. The new plan was one in which family members attended all psychotherapy hours together. We have called this family psychotherapy.(p.24)
Our research led to the development of a systems understanding of the family. The family unit is regarded as a single organism and the patient is seen as that part of the family organism through which the overt symptoms of psychosis are expressed.(p. 46) Seeing the family as a unit allowed us to see how in the family unit members function in relation to each other and in the way the symptoms finally erupt. (p.259)
The term "function" is probably more accurate than the term "role" This viewpoint could be compared to a familiar model like a football team. We could describe a quarterback in terms of his physical and psychological makeup; or we could describe his individual adaptation to the requirements of the quarterback position; or we could describe his function with the team in an entire season of play. The latter would be similar to the viewpoint from which we have tried to observe family members as they function together as a family unit. A football coach knows his players as individuals but, when he watches the team in action, he focuses first on the team as a functioning unit and then on the functioning of individual team members. (p.18)
Tsabalala: It is interesting just how deeply rooted individual theory is in the West and how it has been imposed on the people of Africa as the only true and correct understanding. Listening to how you moved from individual to a systems theory one can appreciate the difficulty social scientists have had in comprehending and understanding black African view of family relationships.
As I mentioned earlier, the family is understood to include the nuclear, the extended and the ancestors. The ancestors have a continuing importance for the functioning of the family. Just because a member of the family is dead does not mean that they are no longer an essential part of the family. Ancestors, however, are not just those family members who have died. The elderly living can also be respected and treated as an ancestor. This respect for the ancestors is embodied in one of the names of the high God. Ancestors are referred to umkulu and God is umkulukulu.
Bowen: You mentioned that for the Zulu the ancestors are present at family events. Perhaps you can explain how are they present?
Tsabalala: Your question is interesting. It is not a question I would never have asked given our understanding of death. A person who is dead is still an integral part of the family. Their values, beliefs, the traditions they valued are part of each family member’s lives. Your question implies a particular understanding of death which informs your thinking. Have you considered what informs your questions?
It is unfortunate that the relationship of black Africans to the ancestors was described initially as worship. As a result of this any association with rites that included the ancestors was forbidden. More recently the relationship has been depicted as veneration. The analogy that is used is that it is similar to Roman Catholics venerating the saints. The problem is that worship, veneration and also the description that it is cultic all imply that the relationship is religious. When a Zulu goes to the grave of the ancestor and speaks to the ancestor this is not worship but reporting on the family. This is no different than when a white person goes to the grave of a loved one and speaks to the deceased.
Africans are puzzled by the Western view of people growing old. There appears to be two different approaches. Some in the West go to great lengths and expenses to try and hide the fact that are growing old. Others refer to the aged in derogatory terms such as fossils, over the hill, or old cronies. Black Africans could never say such things about those who are old. We are taught to relate to them with respect since they will be our ancestors and still an integral part of the family relationship system. Another way of saying this is that the deceased family members still belong.
The funeral is very important and family members will make every effort and travel long distances in order to participate. The funeral brings the whole family which includes the nuclear, extended and what you refer to as the multigenerational family together. This is followed by a designated time for grieving. The grieving family finds comfort in the in the traditional funeral rite, of ukubuyisa, which refers to the bringing home of the dead after a period of mourning. At the end of the period of mourning the whole family gets together and central to this event is the brewing beer and sharing in a feast.
Bowen: My family still owns a funeral home and having grown up in that environment I have come to realize the importance of the funeral. The funeral ritual has existed in some form since man (sic) became a civilized being. I believe it serves a common function of bringing survivors into intimate contact with the dead and with important friends, and it helps survivors and friends to terminate their relationship with the dead and to move forward with life. I think the best function of a funeral is served when it brings relatives and friends into the best possible functional contact with the harsh fact of death and with each other at this time of high emotionality. I believe funerals were probably more effective when people died at home with the family present, and when family and friends made the coffin and did the burial themselves. Society no longer permits this, but there are ways to bring about a reasonable level of personal contact with the dead body and the survivors. (p.332)
I encourage involvement of the largest possible group of extended family members, an open casket, and the most personal contact that is possible between the dead and the living, prompt obituary notices, and the notification of relatives and friends, a public funeral with the body present, and the most personal funeral service that is possible. Some funeral services are highly ritualized but it is possible to personalize even the most ritualized service. The goal is to bring the entire family system into the closest possible contact with death in the presence of the total friendship system and to lend a helping hand to the anxious people who would rather run than face a funeral. (p.332)
Tsabalaa: Perhaps the African people have for centuries known about the importance of the funeral, something that North Americans need to rediscover. We bury the dead by lowering the coffin into the ground and taking turns filling the grave with soil. We do not walk away from the grave and leave the coffin above ground relying on cemetery staff to lower the coffin into the ground and fill the grave. I read of a funeral director in Canada who described how his work had changed. He understands that people are now looking at him to provide a quick disposal system.
To change the subject, I notice that you have included the work of Walter Toman in Bowen theory. For black Africans you need to understand that one’s uncles and aunts are also one’s mothers and fathers. One knows one’s biological parents, but one recognizes the special relationship one has to one’s parents siblings. This concept of uncles and aunts being mothers and fathers is rooted in the concept of kinship that underlies umuntu. The Zulu term for father is ubaba and mother is umama. For the Zulu the father’s elder brother is ubabomkhulu and the younger brother is ubabomncane . Mother’s elder sister is umankhule and the younger sister is umanlumekazi. Mother’s brother is umalume and father’s sister is ubabekazi while mother’s brother’s wife is umalumekazi. . Note the use of the prefix of father – ubaba - and mother- umama – added to the titles for uncles and aunts.
Given that uncles and aunts are fathers and mothers then cousins are sister and brothers. One knows one’s birth order in the nuclear family but one also has a particular place in the birth order in the extended family.
These kinship relationships have been confusing to Westerners and there are times when it has led to serious misunderstanding and conflict. A black African worker who asks his white employer for time off to attend his father’s funeral will probably receive a sympathetic response. Some months later this same employee goes to the white employer and asks for time off to attend his father’s funeral. The response probably goes something like this. “Do you take me for a fool? I gave you time off to go to your father’s funeral and now you tell me you want time off again to go to your father’s funeral?” What the employer fails to understand is that in the African kinship all uncles are fathers.
Bowen: Yes I included sibling position as one of the eight concepts of my theory. This concept is an adaptation of Toman's work on the personality profiles of each sibling position. His first book in 1961 was remarkably close to the direction of some of my research. He had worked from an individual frame of reference and only with normal families, but he had ordered his data in a way no one else had done, and it was easy to incorporate them into the differentiation of self and the family projection process. His basic thesis is that important personality characteristics fit with the sibling position in which a person grew up. His ten basic sibling profiles automatically permit one to know the profile of any sibling position, and, all things being equal, to have a whole body of presumptive knowledge about anyone. His ideas provided a new dimension toward understanding how a particular child is chosen as the object of the family projection process. The degree to which a personality profile fits with normal provides a way to understand the level of differentiation and the direction of the projection process from generation to generation. (p.385).
It would appear that your description of birth order in African families does not negate what Toman described, it only adds some complexity.
Tsabalala: But did he consider and address the African understanding of birth order?
Bowen: We have discussed some of the theory but I would like to introduce you to two important variables in the theory. On a broad level, there are two major variables in the theory. One has to do with the level of integration of self in a person. This has to do with the differentiation of self concept. The other variable is the level of anxiety. The lower the level of self, the more reactive the person to anxiety. A poorly differentiated person can appear "normal" in an anxiety-free field, but he is the first to develop his usual symptoms when the anxiety increases. Those with the best levels of differentiation are among the least reactive to anxiety and the least likely to develop symptoms in an anxiety field. Knowledge about reactiveness to anxiety provides information in evaluating the functioning of a person, and clues that are useful in therapy. (p.407)
As I mentioned earlier at the core of Bowen theory is the concept of differentiation of self. This concept is a cornerstone of the theory. It defines all people, from the lowest to the highest possible level of human functioning, according to a single common denominator. This has to do with the way the human handles the intermix between emotional and intellectual functioning. At the highest level are those with most "differentiation" between emotional and intellectual functioning. They are more free to live their emotional lives to the fullest, or they have the capacity to make decisions based on intellect and reasoning when confronted with reality issues. People at the lower levels have emotion and intellect so "fused" that intellectual functioning is submerged in emotionality that their lives are dictated by emotionality. They may be able to "think" about issues outside themselves, or think about themselves when anxiety is low but under stress their thinking is replaced by automatic emotional reactiveness. There are relatively fixed levels of differentiation called "solid self" determined by forces from within self, and tremendous areas of "pseudo-self" or functional self which is determined by relationship forces. It is possible to assign a functional level of self for an individual, for an entire family which is determined by the level of self in the head of the family, or in the total of society which is determined by prevailing environmental forces. (p.425)
The concept of differentiation has to do with self and not with others. Differentiation deals with working on one's own self, with controlling self, with becoming a more responsible person, and permitting others to be themselves. (p.409)
The other major variable that affects relationship systems is anxiety. My colleague Dr. Michael Kerr defines anxiety as "… the response of an organism to a threat, real or imagined” and he notes that “Anxiety is assumed to be present in all living things” (Kerr, 1988, 112).
Anxiety may be either acute or chronic. Acute anxiety “… generally occurs in response to real threats and is experienced as time-limited” (Kerr, 1988, 113). It is the organism’s response to a specific threat and to the fear that the threat generates. Individuals usually manage acute anxiety effectively, but if it is not dealt with, it becomes chronic anxiety.
Chronic anxiety “… generally occurs in response to imagined threats and is not experienced as time-limited” (Kerr, 1988, 113). Chronic anxiety is more difficult to cope with since it is the response to imagined threats, to what might. “It is most accurately conceptualized as a system or process of actions and reactions that, once triggered, quickly provides it own momentum and becomes largely independent of the initial triggering stimuli” (Kerr, 1988, 113).
Chronic anxiety is more than existential angst since it affects the whole person: the body “… as an interactive responsive network of neuropeptides” (Maloney-Schara, 1995, 5), the brain, both functionally and structurally (Huether, 1996, 589), as well as at the cellular level (Kerr, 1997, 56ff). It is both a societal and a family phenomenon (Kerr, 1988, 113).
Anxiety is contagious (Papero, 1997, 221), transferable (Bowen, 1978, 1985, 6, 10) between members of a family, or a group, and is triggered by an imbalance in the relationship system (Kerr, 1988, 113). When acute anxiety is not dealt with adequately, it can significantly increase and intensify the level of chronic anxiety (Kerr, 1988, 114). Families seek means to bind their anxiety. While these anxiety-binding processes may differ from family to family, the underlying emotional process remains the same. “The binding of anxiety in one part of the system reduces it in the system as a whole. Relationships are by far the most effective anxiety-binders” (Kerr, 1988 September, 48). Not all anxiety-binding mechanisms are beneficial. Some, such as the misuse of drugs, personality traits, and extramarital relationships, have the potential for long-term negative effects (Kerr, 1988 September, 48). Anxiety-binding mechanisms assist the family to move toward a balance.
Tsabalala: Your explanation of the two variables is very interesting. It appears that you are providing a more scientific explanation for the processes that underlie our traditions associated with family transitions. We have been aware that not all families are the same. Some function at a higher level than others. This observation applies to the ancestors as well since not all ancestors are of equal importance. Associating these differences with anxiety and lower level of differentiation of self is helpful. Increase in anxiety has led some to use the concept of umuntu to manipulate others as a means of managing their jealousy of the others success. Those of a lower level of differentiation have transformed umuntu into demands that the more successful share their success with them. Differentiation and anxiety provides an important qualification to the concept of belonging. As some become increasingly more anxious the tendency is to turn belonging into a force for togetherness. The result is then the loss of self. This process will become apparent when I explain family transitions.
As you have pointed out, family gatherings, most of which are associated for the black Africans with transitions, are important occasions. Rituals assist in the process of dealing with anxiety. Family traditions associated with transitions of marriage, the birth of a child, puberty and death are times of heightened anxiety and the gatherings assist the family in managing the anxiety by starting what you refer to as a rebalancing process. For us Zulus, the ancestors are an important part of these gatherings because their functional presence is that of anxiety binders. Their presence during these transitions allows for the management, the redirection and investment of the family energy. We have difficulty understanding Western families who fail to see the family as a resource and turn to non-family members such as psychiatrists and counsellors for assistance.
To help you appreciate what I am saying I will provide details of the traditions associated with these family transitions. I have already told you how important funerals are for black African families. The death of a family member is a time of great anxiety for the whole family. Your insight into the family rebalancing process associated with funerals and how anxiety is fluid and transferable is helpful. With all these family members of the whole extended family gathered together for the funeral anxiety can be distributed throughout the whole family and not be limited solely to members of the nuclear family. Umuntu is the underlying concept that functions and assists in the management of anxiety.
Bowan: Please go ahead.
Tsabalala: Perhaps a good place to start is with marriage. For the black African marriage is not simply about two people getting married but involves two families. The couple may want to marry but since marriage involves two families it is important that the two families have to be intimately involved in the process and find agreement. If the two families, using your Western concept are not compatible, which means that they cannot come to an agreement, then this indicates that the couple should not get married since they won’t be compatible.
In order to facilitate this process the two families, a process that does not involve the couple, have to negotiate lobola. Traditionally these negotiations involved the transferring of cattle from the groom’s family to the bride’s family. The negotiating of lobola has a long history and still persists till today which indicates that it has an important and enduring function.
Towards the end of the courtship representatives of both families meet to negotiate lobola. If these representatives of the family are not successful in their negotiations then the couple cannot get married. At first glance it would appear that these negotiations are about the content of lobola. However, a closer examination shows that there is what you refer to as an emotional process underlying the negotiations.
Dr. Bowen you have referred to the concept of differentiation and your theory, According to Dr. Kerr (255), asserts that people marry partners with a level of differentiation similar to their own which is an emotional process. It does not matter then if the selection of a marriage partner is Western in which individuals make the selection or black African where the family is involved, the emotional process is the same. According to your theory the underlying process focuses on the level of differentiation of the families of those individuals who plan on marrying. To a large extent the level of differentiation of the individuals who are marrying is determined by that of the family. So when the family members enter into negotiating lobola they are addressing the emotional process concerning the level of differentiation of each family and not simply the content of lobola.
In these negotiation of lobola the families are gauging the level of differentiation, emotional maturity and reactivity of the groom and bride’s families. However, since the bride will be leaving her family and moving to the groom’s family a successful negotiation of lobola means that she will fit into the groom’s family. Successful negotiations means that not only will the couple be compatible but that the two families are compatible. This understanding is based on the concept that African families are a unit. This underlying process is an emotional and not a thoughtful one.
There is one other aspect of these negotiations is the importance of the ancestors. The ancestors largely determine the level of differentiation of the families. As an integral part of the family they are emotionally present in the lobola negotiations. If the negotiations are successful means that the ancestors are in agreement but if they fail it means that the ancestors were either not well informed or they were not happy.
Marriage means that the bride’s family will experience anxiety and grief due to the loss of their daughter. Successful negotiation of lobola provides reassurance since it means that groom’s family has the resources to care for their daughter and future children. Marrying into a family with resources enhances the survival of the bride’s children and their descendants. Just because the bride moves into the family of the groom the survival of the bride’s children is of great importance and concern to her birth family.
Bowen It is clear that you have been reading about Bowen theory. Let me follow up on your comments about the processes associated with Zulu marriage traditions. Marriage practices have changed in North America but the emotional processes have remained the same.
People pick spouses who have the same levels of differentiation. Most spouses can have the closest and most open relationships in their adult lives during courtship. The fusion of the two pseudo-selfs into a common self occurs at the time they commit themselves to each other permanently, whether it be the time of engagement, the wedding itself, or the time they establish their first home together. It is common for living together relationships to be harmonious, and for fusion symptoms to develop when they finally get married. It is as if the fusion does not develop as long as they still have an option to terminate the relationship. The lower the level of differentiation, the more intense the emotional fusion of marriage.(p.376-377)
Many spouses experience the closest and most open relationship in their adult lives during courtship. In the commitment of each to the other in the marriage, the two pseudo-self s fuse into a new emotional oneness. The mechanisms they use in dealing with the emotional fusion, which becomes a kind of life style for them, help to determine the kinds of problems they will encounter in the future. Most spouses use some degree of emotional distance from each other to control the symptoms of fusion. The patterns of relationships back to their families of origin help determine the intensity of nuclear family problems. The more open the relationships to families of origin, the less the tension in the nuclear family.203
The beginning of a nuclear family, in the average situation, is a marriage. There are exceptions to this, just as there have always been exceptions, which is all part of the total theory. The basic process in exceptional situations is similar to the more chaotic pattern in poorly differentiated people. The two spouses begin a marriage with lifestyle patterns and levels of differentiation developed in their families of origin. Mating, marriage, and reproduction are governed to a significant degree by emotional-instinctual forces. The way the spouses handle them in dating and courtship and in timing and planning the marriage provides one of the best views of the level of differentiation of the spouses. The lower the level of differentiation, the greater the potential problems for Theory in the Practice of Psychotherapy 377
The dynamics between the new husband and wife are determined by the way they fight for, or share, the ego strength available to them. They go into the marriage with equal levels of "self," but they quickly fuse into Intrafamily Dynamics in Emotional Illness 111 a common self (perhaps even during the emotional interchanges during courtship) and thereafter one spouse usually functions with more than an equal share of the available ego strength. When both spouses fight for their rights, a conflictive marriage results. The conflict subsides when either "gives i n , " but the one who "gives in " "loses self" to the other who "gains self."(p.110-111)
Tsabalala: Thank you for laying out how your theory understands marriage. You focus on the couple and how they manage themselves in the marriage relationship. This is helpful but for us marriage is not limited to the couple and the new nuclear family. Marriage is about two families and this includes the understanding that the previous generations, the ancestors, are also involved. They may be dead but their presence is recognized. The Western view of death perhaps hinders the appreciation of the ancestors in the family process. Our ancestors may be dead but they are still part of the family and still belong. The concept of the multi-generational transmission concept appears to imply the involvement of the ancestors. Perhaps the new field of epigenetics will show that the Zulu understanding of the presence of the ancestors is not farfetched.
Your comments about marriage as establishing a new nuclear family are interesting. For us the new nuclear family is intimately related to the whole family. In our Zulu culture the bride joins the family of the groom. Since she is now part of the groom’s family which includes the nuclear, extended and ancestors, all theses family members have a special interest and concern for her and for the marriage relationship. Perhaps you can explain what you mean by the nuclear family emotional process.
Bowen: You are right about the nuclear family being part of a much larger family configuration as demonstrated in our research. For practical reasons we referred to this as the family ego mass which … refers to the nuclear family which includes the father, mother, and children of the present and future generations. The term "extended family" refers to the entire network of living relatives, though in the everyday clinical situation this usually refers to the three-generation system involving grandparents, parents, and children. (p. 161) As I mentioned the family ego mass includes all those …who still have unresolved emotional dependencies on each other. For example, a grown sibling with an old unresolved dependence on his parents might live far away and have little contact with his parents, but the functioning of parents or sibling is still responsive to events that change the life course of the other. This emotional dependence is considered still active, though quiescent (p.113)
As you noted it is important not just for Zulu families to remain in contact with one another and our research showed just how important it is for the understanding of all families. What happens in the extended family has an impact on the nuclear family. The mechanisms that operate outside the nuclear family ego mass are important in determining the course and intensity of the process within the nuclear family. When there is a significant degree of ego fusion, there is also a borrowing and sharing of ego strength between the nuclear family and the family of origin. In periods of stress the nuclear family can be stabilized by emotional contact with a family of origin, just as the nuclear family can also be disturbed by stress in the family of origin. In general, the intensity of the process in a nuclear family is attenuated by active contacts with the families of origin. There (p.167)
Tsabalala: Your theory refers to the concept of emotional cutoff from families. Cutoff from the family would be perceived as a violation of the concept of umuntu. As I have mentioned earlier Umuntu means you are a person in relationship to others; a concept that negates any belief in rugged individualism. The importance of belonging to a family is reflected in the marriage traditions since the bride moves from one family into another which reinforces the idea that she belongs and counteracts any attempt to cutoff. Your concept of differentiation of self provides a necessary insight that not all families function at the same level of emotional maturity. Zulu families are no different.
Bowen: Your observation that not all nuclear families function at the same level of emotional maturity is supported by the research. Through the "active" relationship with the cohesive family, the nuclear family system is responsive to emotional events within the cohesive extended family. There are other nuclear families in which both spouses detach themselves from families of origin. In these the spouses are usually much more dependent on each other, and the emotional process in the family tends to be more intense. The average family in which both spouses are emotionally separated from families of origin tend to become more invested in the emotional systems of work and social situations. (p.167)
Tsabalala: What you have described plays out in Zulu families as well. In the traditional Zulu marriage the bride has to leave her birth family and belongs to the groom’s family. I am sure that family members grieve this change in relationship. The concern for their daughter is traditionally expressed in the giving a cow to her. She takes this cow with her to the groom’s family. She owns the cow and milk it produces which she uses to nourish her children. Even though she belongs to the groom’s family the cow provides a connection for her with her birth family as well as an expression of their concern for their daughter and her children.
How the marriage works out is dependent on how the groom’s family welcomes and accepts the new family member which probably relates to their level of differentiation. All families seek to be welcoming at first but this does not leave them immune to growing dysfunctions. There are reported instances of spousal abuse and sickness in both or one of the spouses as well as sickness in children.
Bowen: In order to explain what you have just described the theory posits the concept of the Nuclear Family Emotional System. This concept describes the pattern of emotional forces as they operate over the years in the nuclear family. The intensity of the process is governed by the degree of undifferentiation, by the degree of emotional cutoff with families of origin, and the degree of stress in the system. Over time, the emotional problem becomes manifest as (a) emotional distance between the spouses; (b) dysfunction in one spouse which is manifested as physical illness, emotional illness, or social illness; (c) marital conflict; or id) projection of the problem to one or more children. The projection of the family problem to children is so important it has been accorded a position as a separate theoretical concept. (p.425)
Tsabalala: How do you prevent this focus on the nuclear family from becoming an extension of individualism to a new level, namely, the nuclear family?
Bowen: Our research extended the concept. The Nuclear Family Emotional System consists of the father, mother and children. As the research continued the concept was extended. The emotional process has the same basic pattern in extended families and social relationship systems. The original term is still as accurate as ever when applied to the nuclear family, but it is less apt when applied to the extended families, and it is awkward when applied to social systems. Now the terms nuclear family emotional system, extended family emotional system, and social system are used to describe the same emotional process in different areas (p.203)
There is a range of adaptive patterns available in the nuclear family. In periods of calm, the adaptive patterns can function without symptoms arising in any family member. As anxiety and tension increase, the adaptive patterns lose flexibility and symptoms erupt. The family does not have conscious choice about the selection of adaptive patterns. These were "programmed" into the spouses in their own parental families. In general, there is more adaptability in families with a spectrum of patterns than in a family with fewer patterns. Another most important variable has to do with the quality and the degree of emotional contact each spouse has with their families of origin. Here again, there is a spectrum of ways that people handle the relationships to their parental families. Some can distance themselves emotionally while living close by; others maintain emotional closeness while living far apart. Emotional closeness or distance to parental families is determined by a combination of physical distance and quality of relationship. A common pattern in our society is the emotionally distant relationship with parental families, with brief, formal, superficial "duty" visits. In general, the more a nuclear family is emotionally cut off from parental families, the higher its incidence of problems and symtoms (sic). (p.263-264)
As I mentioned earlier we identified three areas of dysfunction in the nuclear family. The first is marital conflict. Many spouses experience the closest and most open relationship in their adult lives during courtship. In the commitment of each to the other in the marriage, the two pseudo-self s fuse into a new emotional oneness. The mechanisms they use in dealing with the emotional fusion, which becomes a kind of life style for them, help to determine the kinds of problems they will encounter in the future. Most spouses use some degree of emotional distance from each other to control the symptoms of fusion. The patterns of relationships back to their families of origin help determine the intensity of nuclear family problems. The more open the relationships to families of origin, the less the tension in the nuclear family. (p.203)
The second is D
Dysfunction in one spouse. This is the pattern in which one spouse becomes the adaptive or the submissive one, and the other spouse becomes the dominant one. The pseudo-self of the adaptive one merges into the pseudo-self of the other, and the dominant one becomes responsible for the twosome. In such a marriage each spouse sees self as adapting to the other, but it is the one who adapts the most who becomes a no-self, dependent on the other to think and act and be for the twosome. The one who remains in the adaptive position is vulnerable to dysfunction, which can be physical illness, emotional illness, or social dysfunction—such as drinking, acting-out behavior, loss of motivation, irresponsible behavior. These illnesses tend to become chronic, and they are hard to reverse. The marriage between one overadequate spouse and a chronically ill spouse is enduring. Chronic illness—such as arthritis, stomach ulcers, or depression—can absorb great quantities of the undifferentiation in a nuclear family and can protect other areas from symptoms. (p.204) The more a nuclear family maintains some kind of viable emotional contact with the past generations, the more orderly and asymptomatic the life process in both generations. (p.383)
Tsabalala: The African understanding of illness includes a number of factors not only the bio-medical. This allows for a number of healers to practice within the culture. The family may consult an inyanga, a herbalist. The inyanga will treat the illness with herbal medicines called muti. There is another important healer, the diviner, known as an isangoma. The isangoma has been wrongly portrayed by many disciplines in the past a witchdoctor. The diviner will use various means to identify the cause of the illness that reflect a relational understanding of illness that include the ancestors. They offer muti, medicines, or particular actions to counteract whatever has caused the problem. The diviners concern is to create balance in the family.
I find it helpful when you note that dysfunctions and the intensity of the dysfunction are associated with the increase of anxiety and the level of differentiation of the family. You note that this can lead to dysfunctions in the family that can be physical, emotional and social. The increase in anxiety can affect the way people think and understand relationships. When dealing with one or more of what you refer to as dysfunctions the Zulu appear to shift from their traditional systems thinking to a more linear cause and effect understanding. The anxiety leads the family to seek the cause of the dysfunction by consulting the isangoma.
Bowen: The third dysfunction relates how the undifferentiation of the parents are projected onto a child. This is the pattern in which parents operate as a "we-ness" to project their undifferentiation to one or more children. This mechanism is so important that in this family theory it has been included as a separate concept, family projection process (p.204)
The Family Projection Process…is the basic process by which parental problems are projected to children. It is present in the full range of problems from the mildest to the most severe, such as hard-core schizophrenia and autism. The basic pattern involves a mother whose emotional system is more focused on children than on her husband and a father who is sensitive to his wife's anxiety and who supports her emotional involvement with the children. (p.204) This is part of the nuclear family process, but it is so important that an entire concept is devoted to it. The family projection process exists to some degree in all families. (p.307)
Tsabalala: Thank you. This is very interesting.
Bowen: There is another concept that will describe and to which I would like your response. This concept is the triangle in relationship systems. A "triangle" is a "natural way of being" for people. It is not inaccurate to think of the triangle as a failure in a two person relationship, but that is a narrow view of the larger relationship system. (p.401) This is a key concept which describes the predictable pattern of emotional forces between any three people. A triangle, the smallest stable emotional unit, has been called the molecule of emotional systems. A two person relationship is unstable in that it automatically becomes a three person system under stress. When stress increases, and it involves additional people, the emotional forces continue the action between three poles in the system. An emotional system is in a constant state of movement as the most uncomfortable one attempts to establish a more comfortable state of emotional closeness-distance. When the uncomfortable one achieves equilibrium, it disturbes (sic) the balance between the other two and the subtle activity shifts to the other most uncomfortable one. The term triangle defines the fact that emotional forces flow back and forth between three poles. The movement repeats and repeats and repeats in moves so precise and predictable that one who knows triangles can predict the next move before it occurs. Knowledge of triangles has been used to develop a method of therapy as predictable as triangles are predictable. The therapist can use his knowledge to introduce emotional cues, which result in predictable shifts in emotional flow. These emotional forces, which operate automatically and out of awareness, have been incorporated into a theoretical concept which describes the microscopic organization of emotional systems. In very large groups, or the total of society, the same automatic emotional forces operate with large numbers of people siding with each emotional issue. (p.424-425)
The concept of the triangle is not limited to three people and under increasing anxiety may involve others. On a broad descriptive level, a two person relationship is emotionally unstable, with limited adaptability for dealing with anxiety and life stresses. It automatically becomes a triangular emotional system with a much higher level of flexibility and adaptability with which to tolerate and deal with anxiety. When anxiety involves more than three people, the configuration spreads in a series of interlocking triangles. When a large group or crowd is involved in an active emotional issue, multiple people append themselves to each corner of the triangle and the emotional forces continue the basic triangle patterns. I think a bona fide two person relationship is one in which two people are primarily invested in each other. These are relatively rare and it is a difficult balancing act to keep them in emotional equilibrium. Most so-called two person relationships are the calm side of an already functioning triangle in which the calmness is maintained at the expense of a negative relationship with the other corner of the triangle. (p.401-402)
Tsabalala: So the process you are describing is like milking a cow.
Bowen: You need to explain that.
Tsabalala: When milking a cow a two legged milking stool will only work if the cow stands still. A three legged stool is a lot more stable.
Your concept of the triangle in relationship systems may provide insight into certain Zulu traditional customs. One such custom is associated with puberty. The families are acutely aware that puberty is a major milestone in the life just not of the youth. but also of the family and the community. Puberty brings about not just changes in the male can get a girl pregnant but also in the female who can get pregnant. This is a concern for the families and creates anxiety for both families. Puberty also signals the family that their child is now and adult and they have to find a way of changing their relationship with the child. The parents have to find a way to “let go” of their child. This is a major transition for the family and the youth.
The Zulu culture has developed a way of the community forming a “triangle” – your words – by entering into the family process. When a youth reaches stage of puberty the community steps in and takes the youth away from his or her home where the elders instruct the youth into the meaning and expectations associated with becoming an adult. The parents are not involved in this process but the community expects that when the youth returns that they will relate to their child like an adult. The community will also relate the youth like an adult and expect this “new” adult to behave like an adult. The youth will be expected to be involved in the community processes as an adult. In this way the community assists the youth and the family to manage their anxiety associated with this family transition. In this way the involvement of the community in this transition assists the family in restoring the balance in their relationships.
A similar process is in place when a youth has difficulty with the parents. The youth can go to a grandparent who will then act as mediator between the youth and the family.
A friend described the tradition in his Sotho community how they dealt with spousal abuse. Marriage has meant that the wife has left her birth family to belong to the groom’s family. If in the future the husband abuses his wife the process is that she does not go to his parents but instead goes to the husband’s oldest paternal uncle. The oldest uncle instructs his youngest brother to go and speak to the nephew. He is to tell the husband that when he married his wife she became a part of the whole family. She belonged in the family. It is to be made very clear to the husband that no one treats a family member in the way he has been treating his wife. He is ordered to stop the abusive behaviour. There is a threat as well. If he does not stop then the uncles will come and deal with him and let him experience what it feels like to be abused. The parents have no part in the whole process and the extended family manages the family’s anxiety without the relationship between the son and his parents being affected.
Bowen: Our discussion has addressed a number of the concepts in Bowen theory. I have touched on the concept of the multigenerational transmission process and I would like to elaborate on it further and how it relates to the concept of the family projection process. The family projection process continues through multiple generations. In any nuclear family, there is one child who is the primary object of the family projection process. This child emerges with a lower level of differentiation than the parents and does less well in life. Other children, who are minimally involved with the parents, emerge with about the same levels of differentiation as the parents. Those who grow up relatively outside the family emotional process develop better levels of differentiation than the parents. If we follow the most impaired child through successive generations, we will see one line of descent producing individuals with lower and lower levels of differentiation. The process may go rapidly a few generations, remain static for a generation or so, and then speed up again. Once 1 said it required at least three generations to produce a child so impaired he would collapse into schizophrenia. That was based on the notion of a starting point with fairly good surface functioning and a process that proceeded at maximum speed through the generations. However, since I now know the process can slow down or stay static a generation or two, I would now say that it would require perhaps eight to ten generations to produce the level of impairment that goes with schizophrenia. This is the process that produces the poorly functioning people who make up most of the lower social classes. If a family encounters severe stress in perhaps the fifth or sixth generation of a ten-generation process, it may produce a social failure who is less impaired than the schizophrenic person. The degree of impairment in schizophrenia comes from those poorly differentiated people who are able to keep the relationship system in relatively symptom-free equilibrium for several more generations (p.384)
Tsabalala: Thank you for describing a process how the family focuses on one child. This happens in Zulu families as well. Some children in a family do not function at the same level as the other children.
It is good to hear about your research and how it has changed your thinking about family. Unfortunately we in Africa struggle with that the social sciences, including psychiatry, is the creation of the West. The American Psychiatric Association publishes the DSM 5 which is a product of North American thinking with the assumption that it is applicable to all the people from around the world. The problem for us is that black African psychiatrists and psychologists get their training in the West, particularly the USA, where DSM 5 is the basis of their education. Upon their return to Africa they use this document as if it reflects the African context. The attempt by the editors of DSM 5 to reflect a more diversified position however, relates essentially to the diverse ethnic groups in the USA. It is still based on individual theory and the medical model of the West.
I appreciate that this dialogue with Bowen theory is the first acknowledgement that there is another way of understanding relationships. It appears that Bowen theory has the possibility of providing black Africans with a theory of relationships that corresponds more closely to African culture and umuntu. An important practice in African families is the way these families relate to a member who has been diagnosed as schizophrenia. Their response is shaped by the concept of umuntu. Those who suffer from the symptoms of schizophrenia “belong” in the family. I use this word “belong” deliberately. This means that the family takes care of them. A friend described how an aunt was diagnosed as a schizophrenic. The family made sure that she was always well clothed, sat at the table with the family and had the best of the food. They also provided her with shelter. When there is a family conference the schizophrenic family members is treated with a great respect and their opinion is always elicited. This respect for the schizophrenic is rooted in the understanding of family as including not just the nuclear and extended families but the ancestors as well. The person diagnosed as a schizophrenic needs to be treated with respect since that person will be an ancestor.
What I have appreciated from our discussion of your theory is that you have provided a very different understanding of relationship systems than that of the usual individual theories that have been imposed on us. There appears to be many points of congruence between umuntu and Bowen theory. Perhaps it is because we have not suffered from theoretical blindness. Perhaps in the future Bowen theory will provide the scientific basis for umuntu.
All is not well. I have a serious concern. There are forces that have been undermining this understanding of umuntu. The one with which you are probably most familiar with is colonialism. Colonialism imposed Western thinking on the African culture but did not eradicate it. The colonial powers were not interested in us as a people only as a commodity that can be used to increase their wealth and that can be traded. Ironically the resistance to the colonial powers may have provided some incentive and support for the retaining of traditional thinking. Resistance to the colonial powers may have been a way of defining ourselves as a separate people in spite of the attempts to suppress us. A more recent and a very big concern has been the impact on the traditional thinking as a result of the HIV Aids epidemic. This epidemic wiped out nearly a whole generation, namely, the parents of young children. These parents have not been present to maintain the traditions associated with umuntu. The raising of the orphaned children has fallen to the ugogos, the grandmothers; many of them were poor but committed to the task. Lastly, there is the problem I referred to at the beginning of our discussion of the influence on the black African population of American cultural imperialism. Your American movies and TV shows present a very different understanding of relationships than that of umuntu.
Bowen: Thank you for the opportunity to hear the black African understanding of relationships.
Tsabalala: I leave you with the Zulu farewell Hamba kahle which means 'Go well'
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[1] African Eve hypothesis the hypothesis (based on study of mitochondrial DNA) that modern humans have a common female ancestor who lived in Africa around 200,000 years ago. https://www.encyclopedia.com › humanities › african-eve...
[2] In 1996 I taught Practical Theology for a semester in the School of Theology, a department of the University of Natal, Pietermaritzburg. The class consisted of masters and honours students from 9 different African nations. Their previous classes in practical theology had been taught by a psychologist whose theoretical orientation was individual theory. The students expressed their frustration that what they were being taught did not match their reality in any way.
[3] Written in 1957
[4] One saying that is often quoted is “It takes a village to raise a child.” What is missed is that the members of the village are of the same clan and therefore related.
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